Wow! The hits keep coming! Even my Plan C for has fallen through! After getting let go from yet another tv production job last summer, I decided to go back to school to get a Masters in Psychology. However, unfortunately, the University of Nevada, Reno doesn't offer an MA in Psych, so I was encouraged by the head of the department to look into the Social Work program. It sounded great! In 2 years, I could be licensed and salaries, I was told, can start around 50k a year. So, for the past 2 semesters, I've been grad specialing masters classes and applied to the program this past January. I was supposed to find out whether or not I got accepted this month; but now, it doesn't matter. The university just announced that due to budget cuts, they are closing the School of Social Work and all related degrees. Nice. Stressing over the application essays, studying for the GRE, not to mention the time and effort my mentors and bosses put into my letters of recommendations ... all for not. I'm pretty shocked, to say the least.
This avenue was going to carry me into retirement. I figured I'll hunker down for 2 years, graduate when at 43 and have a whole new career. Social work isn't glamorous or cut throat ... just a nice, stable, honest job that would provide a living wage and fulfill my need to help people.
So, now what? I don't have a Plan D. I'd joke to my boyfriend that if I didn't get accepted into grad school, I was hopping on the first flight to India to fight human trafficking ... but I didn't really mean it. I just moved in with him, things are going great and he's totally supportive of me, so I can't just up and leave. Truth is, I want to be a mom ... and do all the non-feminist cooking and cleaning. I want to dote on my boyfriend ... make his life easier with his two boys. I want to volunteer and study Buddhism. I want to write and make soup. But I have a car payment, haven't had my cervix scraped in 3 years and am already a year overdue to get my boobs smashed for the first time. But before I start stressing out about all that ... I can't help but wonder why this happened ... because I have to accept it. I could stomp my feet and sob and cry, "why is nothing in my life working"?! But I won't this time. I'm choosing not to. It seems to me, like the perfect time to practice all of the Buddhist teachings I've been studying. So, I'm accepting the situation, doing my best to keep my mind free of anger and frustration and ... the hardest of all: fear. I have to assume that things are unfolding as they should and another option will soon reveal itself to me. I am going to trust the universe, or God, or whatever ... for the first time in my life. Wish me luck!
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