3 Days Left

Today is March 1st. My birthday is March 4th. I'll be turning 41. For most of us, it was the Big 4-0 that knocked us flat ... left us wondering what, when and where? But for me, it's 41. See, two, count them, TWO psychics, on separate occasions to two different people predicted emphatically that I would have a baby when I was 40 years old. At the time of the readings, I was 35 and single and still having fun and the idea of becoming a first-time Mom at 40 sounded great! I still had time to kiss a few more frogs, meet the man of my dreams, get committed and get knocked up. The first psychic was an impromptu sit-down at a party. She didn't know my age, and I didn't ask her if or when I would have a child. She firmly stated that I would not have a baby until I was 40. Several months later, my mother actually paid to see a psychic. She asked her if she would ever be a Grandmother and the woman said, "Your daughter will have a child at 40". We were astounded and figured such a coincidence would have to be true! So, I continued on, looking forward to my forties with a sense of optimism and hope; counting months backwards, wondering if I'd get pregnant when I was 39 and then give birth when I was 40, or if the entire event would happen in my fortieth year.
On March 4th of last year, I turned 40, and was dating a man who already had two children from a previous marriage. Although most of his comments about babies fell into the "I don't want to have anymore children" bucket, he never gave me a straight answer ... a definitive "no". So, I continued to count. "Okay, it's March, if I only have 12 months left, that means I have to get pregnant by ... May ... or is it June? May. Okay, so I have 2 months to get pregnant! And a boyfriend who is in 'no hurry' to make any kind of commitment". So, then the wheels started turning again ... justifying...rationalizing what 2 women who didn't even know me said 5 years ago. Since I was falling hard for my boyfriend and things were going so well, I had to improvise. I wondered, "did they mean have a baby at 4o or become pregnant at 40? Did they mean become a mother at 40, like, maybe psychics believe that being pregnant is already mothering?" I would go around and around in my head, in the ridiculous circle that this twenty-dollar prophecy would come true.
But here I am, 3 days away from 41 and I think it's safe to say I've run out of time. No more counting backwards, and no closer to the hope of becoming a mother. I remember where I was driving the moment my mom told me on my cell phone that her psychic told her the same thing. I remember smiling with such a sigh of relief and calm. Maybe God had a plan for me and I didn't need to do anything for once. Maybe I could believe in cheap mysticism, or buy into the paranormal. It was the first time in my life I thought, "Why not believe"? Of course, it was something I wanted to hear, so I decided to secretly buy it. I should have known better. Maybe, that's what 41 will be for.