Off Sides

If I really stop and think about how much my life has changed over the past year, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I usually end up doing both. My boyfriend has two boys, 12 and 15, and one of my new past times is going to various sporting events. His boys are quite active. Snow skiing and basketball in the winter, soccer in the summer. My boyfriend kills himself to make every game, so I do, too. I don't know why. I mean, I want to be supportive, of course, but I sometimes wonder if anyone knows I'm even there. Basketball season ended tonight ... and that game I can deal with. Short quarters, you're home in about an hour ... that's my kind of committment. Soccer, on the other had, kind of sucks. The season is long ... and they don't call call them soccer moms for nothing. Last summer I had my first girlfriend-of-the-dad-with-two-boys at the soccer games experience. The games were suprisingly brutal. And I'm not talking about the action on the field. I was overwhelmed with feelings that were seriously embarrassing. I felt left out ... the childless hanger-on ... the single observer who chimed in pathetic "woo hoos". The parents of the players don't mess around. They bring lawn chairs, snacks, coolers, beach umbrellas ... and their other offspring. As a woman whose biological alarm clock is blaring like a tidal wave warning, these seemingly innocent games became incredibly trying. Thank God for sunglasses ... except when the tears fog them up. I was surrounded by families and couples intensely watching their kids with obvious stakes. Commenting on how much better, stronger, and faster their spawn had become ... inbetween tending to the player's younger sibling ... snacking on Sun Chips and Capri Suns. I tried to feel involved. I really did. I tried to understand the concept of off-sides, carried the folding chairs, and even considered giving the Ref a flying elbow on a bad call. But the undeniable truth that cannot be faked, is they are not my children. I'm kind of dreading soccer season. I'm thinking about not making as many games. Maybe it would be okay to take care of myself and not put myself through the emotion of it all. I mean, it's just soccer, right?