Sometimes I'm slow. I realized today, that one of the losses involved ... felt ... with not having children ... is memories. I just heard an editorial on NPR from a husband and father talking about decorating the family Christmas tree .... how various ornaments symbolize years of children's ages. He talked about how when his kids are grown and on their own, he and his wife will have the clothespin Rudolph ornament his daughter made to remember the times when their kids were young ... brightly awaiting Santa's arrival ... all pj's and stockings.
Hmmmm ... nice. His memories even smell like cinnamon.
Here are some of my Christmas memories I will look back on:
-Working -- because I've either always worked in the service industry or in the news.
-Tree? Really? Oh, you mean, single gals like Sandra Bullock or Meg Ryan living in urban sprawl, forking over $60 for a 5 foot tree that their 105 pound frames can barely maneuver down the street to their walk-up? Cut to her slowly place baubles and tinsel onto the lonely pine while she stares forlornly into space; lonely, lost, too skinny ... in her early 30's wondering when Prince Claus will save her and deliver into suburban Illinois holiday bliss? No, never done that. (Yes, I've seen every John Hughes film, RIP).
-Spending Christmas with the families of the men I'm currently dating, wondering if this Christmas will look like the rest of my Christmases. And the answer so far, is no.
-My awesome parents ... always understanding that Christmas doesn't have to be celebrated on December 25th because I usually have to work on that day. Besides, my step-father is Jewish and my mom isn't even Christian.
-My Dad disappearing on me when I was 13 and never having another Christmas with him.
I hope all of the people I love, like, don't like, and don't know get to spend some time with those they love in the next couple of days ... that's my holiday wish.
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