$1300

The bf asked me what kind of ring I would like.
Well, he didn't come out and ask over quesadillas, or anything.  It was yet another prodding convo about the institution of marriage, the A, B, and C's of the entire endeavor ... and he busted out with, "I don't even know what kind of ring you would like."
Um, what kind of ring?  Are you fucking kidding me?
The ever matrimony-phobic, perpetually hot-into his 50's single bachelor is asking me what kind of ring I want?
Um, the kind that's from you ... pretty please?!
Two years of protesting and this is what he's stumped on?
Jesus!  I mean, I'm stylishly particular ... I know right away what's me and what's not, so the whole ring thing, really isn't THE issue!
So, we decided on looking.
Well, after a mutual agreement on the following pre-requisites: no diamonds, recycled gold, and a budget of "around" $1000, I set off on my mission.
I scoured the internet .. a path I may have once found cold and random ... but now find alluringly possible amid a sea of mall-bound chains ... for all things alternative and non-traditional in the world of engagement rings and wedding bands.  Yes, I Googled it.
And to my surprise, in the midst of the cheese and the typical and the glaringly obvious, I found a ring; a sweet, tender, hand made ring, that spoke to me in pixels.  It wasn't what I had in mind ... just like the love of my life; but it was ... Me. (For those of you paying attention, I'm already using the past tense for a reason). It was a ring I would wear ...  regardless.
See, I wear one ring: always.  It's a sterling silver heart Tiffany ring my mom and dad bought me in Hawaii.  It has all the hallmarks of posh and I never take it off.  It doesn't get in the way of my life ... unless I'm playing tennis, which is never these days.  It's understated, and only tarnishes when I soak in too many hot tubs. (Christ, what a snob!)
Other than that, for "fashion", I wear a sterling silver ring with a Smokey Quartz stone on my left 2nd finger (what's that finger called?) and a spirally, sterling silver ring on my right 2nd finger ... a gift from my best friend who sells Silpada.
I wear Target $2.50 studs in my ears and no necklaces and my nose ring is the original piercing.
That's the extent of my "fine" jewelry.
So, when I found "the ring", the first thing I saw was the price: $1300 ... $300 over the "ballpark".  But here are the specs: it's recycled white gold - a plus. It's hand made, from a lovely woman in the east ... a phone call away -- huge!  The gemstone is a sapphire!  Now, for those of you who don't know, sapphires were the engagement stone of your grandmothers and great-grandmothers.  It's only in our lifetime has the diamond craze instilled itself in our minds.  Sapphires are just as durable, and ...  some argue, more rare than diamonds.
But, I HATE dark blue sapphires ... I think their blah.  This ring ... MY ring ... has a pale stone; one that looks like the water I want to be in, the water I will be in.   It's a light blue, without being pale, it's deep without darkness, sky-like, without clouds.
Anyway, I uttered the words, "I think I found a ring that I really like" ...
Then, a lot of jumbled words came out (before the price) ... alluding to the fact that diamonds were more expensive, how recycled gold was the way to go, how regardless of that, the price of gold is through the roof ... blah, blah, blah ...
Yeah; nothing would override the price. I said the words: thirteen hundred dollars .. and that's when I heard the truth.
The bf is of the belief that that is a waste of money.  He cannot understand why someone (me?) would want to waste that kind of money on something they are, "... just going to wear on their finger?".

Is he right?

December 25th ... it's just another day.

Sometimes I'm slow.  I realized today, that one of the losses involved ... felt ... with not having children ... is  memories.  I just heard an editorial on NPR from a husband and father talking about decorating the family Christmas tree .... how various ornaments symbolize years of children's ages.  He talked about how when his kids are grown and on their own, he and his wife will have the clothespin Rudolph ornament his daughter made  to remember the times when their kids were young ... brightly awaiting Santa's arrival ... all pj's and stockings.
Hmmmm ... nice.  His memories even smell like cinnamon.
Here are some of my Christmas memories I will look back on:
-Working -- because I've either always worked in the service industry or in the news.
-Tree?  Really?  Oh, you mean, single gals like Sandra Bullock or Meg Ryan living in urban sprawl, forking over $60 for a 5 foot tree that their 105 pound frames can barely maneuver down the street to their walk-up?  Cut to her slowly place baubles and tinsel onto the lonely pine while she stares forlornly into space; lonely, lost, too skinny ... in her early 30's wondering when Prince Claus will save her and deliver into suburban Illinois holiday bliss?  No, never done that. (Yes, I've seen every John Hughes film, RIP).
-Spending Christmas with the families of the men I'm currently dating, wondering if this Christmas will look like the rest of my Christmases.  And the answer so far, is  no.
-My awesome parents ... always understanding that Christmas doesn't have to be celebrated on December 25th because I usually have to work on that day.  Besides, my step-father is Jewish and my mom isn't even Christian.
-My Dad disappearing on me when I was 13 and never having another Christmas with him.


I hope all of the people I love, like, don't like, and don't know get to spend some time with those they love in the next couple of days ... that's my holiday wish.