Enjoy the Silence

Here is a sentence I never thought I'd write: I just spent 2 days at a Buddhist Monastery. But, I did ... and I meant to. It's not like it was a Turkish prison ... it was earned bliss. My sig and I found a Zen monastery that offers Introductory retreats to dorky, over-educated, bored-with-ski-passes white folk like us; who are longing for something different, simple ... real. Actually, we've been studying Tibetan Buddhism for the last year and a half and wanted to know what Zen was all about. I found out. And it's beautiful.We arrived on a Friday afternoon, received our room assignments, and promptly attended orientation. We were given the down and dirty on respect within the monastic community (after all, we were living in their world) and an itinerary; which was strictly followed. A tour of the magical grounds ensued, followed by our first meal as a monk... which required utter silence. Now, eating in silence is something that I'm used to, after living alone for so many years, but eating without the company of bad cable is quite another thing. 99 cent udon from Trader Joe's takes on higher decadence with the soundtrack to A&E's "Intervention" in the background. Once I got over my nervousness from the first dinner, I was in love with the meal service. Each item is passed from person to person, with hands clasped in a prayer shape with each pass, thanking for giving, and thanking for receiving; until everyone has taken their share. Once everyone has their soup, bread and pear, we lift our abundant plates skyward, in a symbolic offering to eht Buddha, and eat. We all wait until everyone is done, and then, clear our plates. It is then asked that some of us help clean up in the massive kitchen, doing dishes, cleaning stoves, and washing sinks.From there, we were introduced to the Meditation Hall, where we set up our "stoops" for meditation. This was where we chose our cushion, mat, bench, and/or chair, of choice. Personally, I'd like to meditation on a feather bed in heaven with a box of Oreo's and a flatscreen TV, but that option wasn't available. In Zen, we meditate facing a wall. We were given screens to stare at and I chose a mat and padded bench as my mode of torture. We then submitted to a 20 minute meditation ... and were subsequentl asked to keep a Noble Silence until lights out at 9pm. At 5:30am, a satanic individual rang a large brass bell violently up and down the hall; signifying morning. We had half an hour to make our way to Meditation Hall, where we assumed our positions, and sat for 20 minutes, did 5 minutes of walking meditation, and sat for another 20 minutes. I'm not gonna lie: it was tough. I've been meditating, and working on developing some semblance of a "practice", but contemplating stillness at 6 in the morning was like Buddhism Boot Camp Gone Wild! And I have to admit, I masochistically loved it!The rest of the retreat continued with a similar routine of mealtime, work, dharma talks, ceremony, and meditation. I had the fortune of whispering to my sweetie and holding his hand between events, but the weekend was mostly spent apart, and in silence.It's amazing how much does not need to be said. And it's amazing how little we need to live. The Zen Monks were kind, warm, giving, and knowledgeable. They invited us-- complete strangers; into their homes and showered us with respect and grace. I did my best to keep the wash of the retreat over me once we got home. It's been difficult ... work being the biggest test. I can't help but keep thinking about my shaved headed, new teachers and friends, and am constantly dreaming about when I can go back ... and dip into their stillness.

I'm Baaaaack!!!!

I used to write a blog. Now I'm just a person who used to write a blog. It's been a while, but my feeling is that "updates" are overrated, writing for writing's sake is just bad writing, and blogging just to look diligent and "connected" is contrived. And, let's face it, no one's life is that interesting. Even Kim Kardashian had to have a $20 million wedding to look interesting.

So, I got a job. Glare at a computer for 10 hours a day and sit on my soon-to-be cellulite ass for 2 hours a day commuting to said job. I get home, raid the fridge like a 15 year old bulimic. catch up with the sig-other for about an hour, scrape the day's makeup off my face, collapse into bed, take half a pill, "read" about a page and surrender.

I have to be at work at 7am. I live in Reno and work in Truckee. Here are the bad things about that:

-Getting dressed by the light of your cell phone so you don't wake up the house; SUX.

-Leaving the warmest, most cozy body on the planet without saying goodbye for the day; SUX.

-Sharing I-80 with nothing but semis and NHP SUX.

-It's so dark and early and cold, even my dog blows me off that early.

-Any chance of getting my meditation done in the morning is SHOT because my mind is still trying to grasp the fact that it's supposed to be awake.

Here are the most awesome things about that:

-Chasing the Moon west, telling it goodnight, and wishing I could wrap my arms around its glowing, guiding self; ROX.

-The heater in my car works; that ROX.

-Listening to miraculous teachings on my IPod, thanks to the same miraculous technology that I simultaneous curse, I have to admit; ROX.

I drive, I work; fear, sleep, long for sleep, love, yet long for love, seek, save, spend, question. I'm here, now.